Setting boundaries
Paula Hall, Relate counsellor, psychotherapist and mum of two teenage daughters, says living together happily through the teen years works best if clear boundaries are set early.
“Decide what your ‘bottom line’ is and stick to it,” says Paula. “In our house the rule for my daughters is: tidy up after yourself and cook one evening a week.”
Paula recommends setting aside a space for your teenager in the house, where they know they can relax and spend time with their friends while you’re at home. That way, neither of you should feel you have to ‘retreat’ to your bedroom, and it should make for a more relaxed atmosphere. “It could be anywhere – maybe the garden in summer, or the dining room if you have one.”
“You also need to set boundaries on time and numbers of friends. Decide on a limit of how many friends can visit or stay at any one time, and make it clear how long for. Agree between you the time by which they need to be out of the house – maybe by the time you get back from work, whatever suits you – and that they leave the place tidy. If not – then you issue a ban on friends until they’re prepared to keep within the boundaries.”