Talking to teens about alcohol
Just 1% of 11 year olds think it is okay to get drunk or have been drunk, but by age 13 teenagers are looking more towards their peers and friends, so it’s important to get talking. Children as young as seven can recognise the difference between relaxed social drinking and drunkenness too. Obviously the approach depends on the age of our children, but don’t leave it too late, age 11 is a great time to start talking, up to age 13, depending on the nature of your child and keep the conversation going.
Try to make the conversation natural, using something like a TV programmes and magazines can be a good place to start. If a celebrity has been photographed drunk after a night out, talk to your child about their perception of this, and whether they think it's glamorous or embarrassing. It’s an important conversation to have. Car journeys are great too, as your child can avoid eye contact, and they can’t escape.
Explain why alcohol can be dangerous and what problems it can cause, without demonising it. Teaching moderation is the key, says Helena Conibear, of the charity The Alcohol Education Trust. Research shows some teenagers believe five glasses per night is normal, but this is bingeing and represents a dangerous level. Discuss alcohol measurements, and how to keep track of what is and isn't a safe level of consumption.
- Find a relaxed time when you can both chat, such as when you are giving them a lift, or watching TV rather than when they are half way out the door or with their friends.
- Talk about how they may feel or what they may do under pressure, in difficult situations such as being offered a drink, or being offered a lift home by a friend who has been drinking.
- Talk openly and honestly about the potential dangers of binge drinking. Make it an inclusive discussion, not a lecture.
- If you do drink, be honest about your own choices, rather than just presenting the negatives.
- Talk about how alcohol can influence people's judgement and help them to think through how it might feel to regret something the next day.
- Make them aware of drinks being spiked and how to avoid putting themselves in vulnerable situations. Encourage them and their friends to look out for each other.
- Explore how alcohol affects people in different ways, and how it can make some people aggressive and violent. Talk through ways of keeping safe and walking away from trouble.
- Ensure your teen knows that, no matter how angry you may be with them, you are there for them, and that they can call you if someone gets hurt or they are worried about something.
- Try not to take it personally or feel downhearted if they don't take your advice. Sometimes teens have to make their own mistakes to realise that what you have said is true.
Will they listen to me?
You may think they don’t listen, but 70% of teens say their parents are the number one influence on whether they drink alcohol. Parents weren’t seen by most teenagers as good role models, or set ground rules that they stuck to. There are some really practical ways to delay teenage drinking.
- Encourage sports, hobbies, clubs and social activities that keep your kids busy. Kids say hanging around with nothing to do is a key reason for drinking.
- If you work, try and share child care with friends during holidays, could they volunteer? Odd jobs for friends? Public places such as parks or the beach is where young people drink outside of the home (other than at private parties).
- Make sure that you know the facts and laws about alcohol and can talk in a balanced way about the pros and cons of drinking, then you’ll be more equipped to talk and listen to your teenager and to understand the pressures they’re facing from their peers and wanting to fit in.
- Make sure that the house rules are clear, agree them together and what will happen if they are broken, they should change as they mature and you feel they can be trusted more too.
- If your teenager is going to a party, drop them off and pick them up, or book a taxi. It’s hard to hide having had too much to drink and it shortens the time spent at the party. Try and avoid sleepovers after parties in particular.
- Although your teenager will hate it, check where they are going and who they are with and if their plans are genuine.
- Be careful where you leave alcohol in the house.
Teach your child about sensible drinking, pacing drinks, alternating alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks and always eating a decent meal before drinking. Warn them how easy it is to go over their limits, make a fool of themselves and compromise their safety or do something they might regret later. Offer your child the chance to ask any questions so they can come to you if they ever need any help. As they get older, remind them to always keep their mobile fully charged and to let you, or someone outside of their friendship group know where they are going, they should always plan how they are going to get home before they go out and keep enough money aside to get home safely. Finally, drink spiking is a real risk, so they should never leave their drink unattended or accept drinks from someone they do not know well.
Bearing in mind that the key place where teenagers drink is at parties, so think seriously before agreeing to host a party (especially for those under 16) for your teenager yourself. If you do feel happy, then these tips will help it go well.
- Agree the list of invites with your teenager. Don’t make the party too long
- Warn your teen about how they invite their friends – no open invitations on social media
- Agree the house rules and put your teen in charge
- You might have to stay out of sight for you kids street cred, but stick around
- Provide plenty of food – not salty snacks, but carbs
- Teenagers do sneak in alcohol in water bottles, mixed with soft drinks etc, so be prepared and work out how you’ll handle this
- Have loads of soft drinks and iced water available
- If anyone is sick or ill, contact their parents and never leave them unattended
- Try and avoid big sleepovers, as the kids won’t get much sleep (or you probably) and you won’t know what’s going on once you’re in bed
- Finally, make sure you’ve warned your neighbours and have a reasonable finish time, allowing parents to pick up and get to bed too
- If it goes well, don’t forget to tell your teen how proud you are of them and their mates